In early 2009 I was accepted at HEC in Lausanne, Switzerland. Lausanne is in the French canton and it is grand. It has a lovely lake and green land.
I have been always hesitant to go to France or any other French speaking place, but I said “screw it, I have nothing TOULOUSE”. At that point I was accepted in several other places, so I had options from which to choose.
I set my mind on that university in the land of the Swiss, but in later days I regretted that wish.
Although I don’t have any fascination with cars, but little did I know that my situation would ESCALADE. On that topic, I have a lot of statements that need to be made.
On the outside, I always maintained the smiles, but on the inside, from comfort I was miles.
I was also feeling sad,gloomy, and grey. I hated my life every single freaking day.
My mind was plagued by obsession. The whole process pushed me into depression.
I couldn’t get out of it on my own, for how can one heal if the illness is not known?
OCD dominated me as to obsessions I was a target and a prey. They whipped me around like I was Anna and they were Christian Grey.
Just like when it comes to the topic of bondage sex, my hands were tied, and it never made sense.
Thoughts were coming out of the blue, the point of origin of which I hadn’t a clue.
When you are indulged in obsessions and similar shit, not even your Japanese friend can TOKYO out of it.
I remember always keeping the laptop turned on with something playing until dawn. I did that because otherwise I would be overwhelmed with thoughts and breakdown.
I needed something louder than the thoughts to focus on, and anything with sound was helpful when I was alone.
But one day, the laptop died on me, and the effects I definitely could see.
Now my fear was real, and that night was one of the worst I’d feel.
I started to cry and weep and I completely broke down . Tears ran down my cheek and in them I did drown.
I don’t know if it had to do with hormones, but I am pretty sure I sounded like how a whore moans.
I reached a point where I would always cry, powder came out my eyes as the canal of tears was completely dry.
I remember starting to think of many an event. And I could feel my chest buckle under blocks of emotional cement.
Thoughts of events that were years old, started bombarding me and I started shivering as if I were cold.
Silly things like past occasions or even a game of monopoly would cause me more sadness, anxiety, and worry.
I used to obsess and over-think, the more I did, the deeper I would sink.
I was losing my mind clearly, and just like the time I lost my pet gazelle, I was going to miss it DEERly.
Although at times I lost all hope, I never wanted to end my pain and use a rope.
That was one of many severe meltdowns and mental episodes, which I will talk about in later blog posts.
I will also talk more about and elaborate on this, or what I like to call “Meltdown in the Land of the Swiss”.
I just wanted to write my experience in a punny poem, as these two are some of my favorite obsessions and I love’em.
That was a piece of my mind, wishing a peace of mind to you all.